Happy Friggin’ Friday!
Life doesn’t slow down does it? I suppose it does, when I am dead…. Moving on.
I started working a couple of weeks ago. I went from staying at home with my little squidge (Isaiah) for two whole years, to coordinating psycho-educational/social activities for a mental health facility. So technically I still work with two year olds.
Well, concerned reader, a few things factor in here:
1) I am a representative of the mentally ill population; we can poke fun at ourselves.
2) YOU apparently have never explained to a Schizophrenic why it is a bad choice to eat two pounds of lunch meat in three gulps, why he should not walk in traffic naked, or why people aren’t okay with your imaginary friends….
3) Sometimes you have to laugh at what you do, especially in the mental health field, lest you cry and go on a drug binge that would Shock Courtney Love.
4) Enough said!
Where was I? Oh yes…work. As Isaiah crept closer and closer to his second birthday, I knew that I would have very little in the way of excuses to stay home. The Great Debate: Stay-at-home versus work and ruin your babies… Isn’t that how people couch it? It has certainly been my experience, in the circles I travel, that if you voice that you might love your career equally as you love your child, that the SAHM’s eyes grow wide with this spooked look, and she points and chants, “Witch, Witch, You’re a Witch!” This hateful attitude certainly isn’t embodied by all, but there are the fair shares who have expressed that a Mom who stays home is doing “Gods work;” which lends itself to the supposition that, maybe the other way/ways are somehow less valuable, and casts a haze of judgment…
All I am saying is that maybe it is all God’s work?! I suppose that is a conversation for another time.
Back to me. I love having a career. I understand this deviates from a lot of women who go back to work and hate their jobs because they have baby at home. I imagine that is a tough situation. I think what made my transition easier is that this job I have is actually a career, I studied and trained to do just this very thing. Seeing what I have, in essence, been pregnant with come crashing into life, has been as exhilarating and beautiful as my son’s birth. Would I trade one for the other? Well the truth is …maybe? Sadie stays home and raises Norah. I work and raise Isaiah. We both have partners who support us. Why hate on that? Note here, that I am mainly talking to my self-imposed ideals that stress me the hell out. It is working for both of us. Damn it! This post has turned into a mush ball of confusion and dangling modifiers. Another semi-related note: All my single ladies, married ladies, single/married without babies, and others that I might have missed: Don’t feel bad that you aren’t “doin’ it like the rest.” I read a blog the other day that broke my heart. The girl wrote that since she wanted to be married and not have kids, just a career, she felt like her value was less… UM NO! Mothering your career, your dreams, and your aspirations are just as important. And in their own way they are much like mothering a toddler; It makes you happy, makes you cry, you feel like you accomplished something amazing, you feel like an utter failure, and every once in awhile it might wipe a green nose booger on you.
I guess maybe I have said it before but I will say it again anyway. I am really proud of you for getting your job, and even more proud of how awesomely well you are doing. You are clearly doing a great job and you seem very happy and satisfied with what you are doing. The work you do is hard, yes, but incredibly impactful. I know G is proud of you, you should be proud of yourself, and one day when Isaiah is old enough to understand what it is you do, he will be proud of you too.
You’re a good mother, Jasmine. One of the best mothers around. Which is why I am constantly asking you what I should do with my own toddler. And like you have said numerous times before, a healthy and happy mama is a good mama. Being healthy and happy is going to look different for different kinds of women. And that’s ok.
Not sure where I intended to go with this…so I guess that’s it!
i love being a SAHM…but i want to start my residency by the time girls are 5 ie 2010..
congratulations on your new job…i am JEALOUS…LOL!!!
…what’s wrong with eating two pounds of lunch meat in 2 or 3 gulps?
the few times that I have “gone to work” in the past 10 years…..i LOVED. For us, it just makes sense for me to stay home, but if it didn’t anymore….well, I’d try to murder my guilt too. I think the number of women who don’t feel guilty about their choices one way or another are pretty few. Be present wherever you are and you’ll be just fine.
Now, if I could just follow that advice myself……
Your point #2 sounds strangely enough how many of my days go…
Why, just yesterday I had to explain to a woman why burning her own belongings out of spite for her husband would be in poor taste. And to another man that his cable box being left open didn’t equate to someone trying to steal his identity.
Maybe I should get a psych degree for my job.
Congratulations on going back to work! We didn’t really have the choice of whether to stay at home; if we were going to have more than one child, we were going to have to find a way to afford it. So I do day care. And it’s going well. Well, most of the time. At the moment, my youngest is on a biting rampage that I think is giving me an ulcer and creating tension personally and professionally. But that’s another story.
So I end up riding the line, sort of a SAHM and sort of a “working” mom. I get to be home with my kids, but I don’t get to take them anywhere. I’m expected to act professionally, and I’m also expected to clean the refrigerator and call the plumber. I feel guilty if I admit that after 5 days in a row of entertaining my kids and other people’s, all I want on Saturday is a break from my kids!
I’ve accepted (and often have to remind myself) that we often trade meaning for difficulty. It’s harder for me to be a mom, wife, and child care provider than it would be to be a single person employed by some corporation. But my life has such greater meaning than it would otherwise. The same is true for you; it might be easier just to stay home and not have to justify your choices–to other moms or to the voices in your head. : ) But you know that what you’re doing is important and valuable–to you and to the other people you work with.
That was really long. But congratulations, and know that you’re doing great things!
I think you are amazing.
The best mothers do what they gotta do, and maybe even what they love to or are called to do.
We should be much less threatened by each others choices, and in awe of the diverse creativity that God unleashed in woman.
I still don’t know what I wanna be when I grow up, but I like trying lots of things.
Great blog, dear!
good for you for doing what you love! i love being a mom, but know that i won’t be able to stay sane if i stay at home forever.
btw, the new masthead is great!
I know right? I love the Masthead too! Our friend, Mar did a great job!
Here is my reality: When I stayed at home… I loved it, but I found myself wanting to die on a daily basis…because I crave structure and something more than motherhood. I totally love my son. It was not about dislike for him… it was about me overidentifing with “Mom-ness” that made me say… GIVE ME SOMETHING MORE! Ironically, Isaiah does so much better (read: is less grumpy and likes mommy more) when he has been at preschool all day. Turns out, we both need structure outside of each other. I think it just makes us that much more hardcore!
Life being as it is, I understand the issues of working motherhood. I admit, it’s tough some days — like when you have a two-year-old look you in the eyes and say, “I work, too?” However, I do enjoy some of the aspects of my job. It puts a roof over our heads, that’s for sure!
As an aside, I’m going to add you to my “morning coffee” links. You’ve been kind enough to drop in and read my ramblings, and I would like to return the favor. Besides, your content is awesome.