Whisker Watcher
Ok ladies, its time to get really painfully honest. Maybe even embarassingly honest (though once you’ve had a baby your embarassment threshold goes way WAY up, am I right?).
I have a few whiskers. Just a few mind you, and they are thankfully white hairs so they’re not terribly noticeable. But still, they do exist.
The first time The Whisker was brought to my attention I was in high school. It was my sophomore year, I was sitting in my room talking with the boy I was in luuuuuuv with at the time. We were flirting and carrying on when he stopped. He looked at me, a strange look on his face and he said “Um. You have…hold on”. Then he reached out to my jawline and a second later I felt a tiny sting. “You have…..A WHISKER!” he yelled and then doubled over with laughter. In his hand was the offending hair. White and certainly too long to be just regular peach fuzz.
I was mortified. I mean, I could have died right there and been ok with it. Having your boyfriend pull a witch hair out of your face while you are in the midst of wooing and flirting is on par with unexpectedly starting your period in class and only realizing it when you stand up to leave and the whole class sees the evidence. Or accidentally farting while on a movie date. Or falling down a flight of stairs while trying to impress that hot senior on your way to English. These are the moments that make high school so painful.
I think that night I tried to blame the whisker on the pancakes I had eaten for breakfast. It sounded plausible. I must have gotten some syrup on my face, not noticed it to wipe it off and then a cat hair got stuck to me. I don’t think the boyfriend believed me, but I kind of believed it myself. In fact, I so totally believed my own pancake story that I didn’t even think of The Whisker again until the next year, when another boyfriend plucked it from my face in a remarkably similar incident.
Please. Kill me now.
Since then I have regularly checked my jaw line for witch hairs. Any hairs that even have the remotest possibility of becoming like The Whisker are quickly yanked and then burned, to discourage any other hairs from growing beyond acceptable peach fuzz length. Maybe I’m a little paranoid but I would hate to be the lady that goes to Wal-Mart with a beard and seems to be unaware of it. Or one day find an anonymous note in my mailbox at work: Dear Sadie, Please lose the whiskers. You are scaring the children. Constant vigilance is the best protection.
Recently, while doing a witch hair inspection I was horrified to discover a second Whisker. Coming straight out of my CHEEK! My cheek, people! It was awful. I fell on the floor and cried, bemoaning my fate as the up and coming Bearded Lady.
So now I am on double Whisker duty. And just so I can really stay on top of it I am employing Jasmine as my Whisker Watcher.
I mean, what is a best friend for if not to help you shave your legs when you are huge and pregnant and be you Whisker Watcher?
I would point and laugh, but I’m busy with the tweezers.
I read it, and almost died…. bahahaha! I love you enough to hold you down and painfully pluck hairs from your face!
She is good at it. I have one that grows on my cheek bone right under my eye and she constantly yanks it from my face. I will warn you though. She is a Sad’ie’st and loves pain!
I get those too. Hairs that just sprout up on my cheeks and chin. Weird.
Noooo! This one sprouts right under his eye on the top of his cheek bone… it is a stray, waaaay away from the other “acceptable” facial hairs!
Sad…But true.
I suppose a white hair is better than a dark hair growing out of a freckle-becoming-a-mole sort of issue. Of course, whiskers aren’t fun in any capacity — unless they’re on a cat or dog or other such furry creature.
I plucked a random weird face whisker just this morning. Sigh.
Sadie after talking to my hair removal expert the only solution I have
for you is to hope it turns dark. Then you can do laser hair removal
she hasn’t done it on her face but appearantly she only shaves her pits
once a month so I guess it works.
you gross me out philip!
lol you are too funny!
HAHAHAHAHA!
Oh Philip. I think I’m good with the plucking and the Whisker Watching. I would prefer them not turn dark.
Just wait till you reach my age, you will wish for only one or two “whiskers”, I have a whole colony!
Seriously Angela says it works great, but it works best with dark hair and light skin. The person who did her hair removal only shaves her legs once a year now. Jasmine why does it gross you out?
I hate that they just sneak up out of nowhere. One day I’m perfectly groomed and everything is in place, the next I’m lunging for the tweezers in a desperate attempt to avoid being confused for the cat!
OMG! I totally feel your pain! Not only do I have the whisker problem too, it’s BECAUSE of an ex-boyfriend. He told me one day that I had a hairy face and I should wax it. Bad idea! Now I have a constant stream of THICK, DARK whiskers that sprout from my jawline. Since I’m destined to be some crazy cat lady by age 30 (I’m 27 now) I’d say I’m on the right track!
He told you to wax your face!?!?! That’s pretty bold. Haha!
Ha! Yeah, I don’t know what’s worse, him telling me to wax it or me actually waxing it. Oh young, naive love.
i have them too….sigh!
about 2 or 3 times a year i get mr. cheek whisker. about 4 times a year i get mr. chin whisker. i check several times a week making sure i am whisker free then one day, usually in public i will feel one an inch long! what about the nipple whiskers?
http://randommusingfrommypov.com
I have nipple whiskers.
SICK!
Garrett I have them too.
that is it! BOTH of your are banned from EVER commenting again!
Ewww….
OMG! I kinda sort posted about this today! Too funny!
Congrats on your new arrival to be! I hope all is well, and you are in good health.
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
i feel your pain, though my new nemesis is the white hair that sprouts every few months on my left temple.