Cloudy With A Chance of Golden Showers
Sit down folks. You thought the poo jokes were reserved for only crude comedians with little material? Nope. You’ll find them right here on The Brokins. I thought “Little Stinky” was a cute blog… didn’t you? I thought I would have respite. You know, maybe have to write about my son’s bowel movements in, say, two or three weeks from now. But Isaiah, being the little version of his mother, wouldn’t leave well enough alone:
This morning started, as usual, with a little Isaiah waking up, screaming at me for “Elmos!” and “Grenik.” I poured his milk and started his morning shows and went about my mom business (Read: read all of your blogs). Isaiah removed his diaper about the time Elmo was asking Dorothy if she brushes her teeth. I thought nothing of this…because, well, we are just naked people. I roamed to the bathroom with my laptop. I sat down to relieve my poor overworked bladder (thanks Baby #2)…. YES! Don’t scoff in disgust! I read on my laptop while I pee…. don’t act like YOU don’t either!
I digress.
I hear Isaiah shout “OOOOOOOHHHHH!” He runs in the bathroom, and holds his penis and urinates all over me. Because, DUH MOM! Peeing on the person who is on the potty counts as success. He looked as his puddle (which has showered me, my laptop, the step he uses to climb to the potty, and the bathroom cabinet) with a strange look that said, “hmm… that isn’t right…..?” Then he ran off. Mission accomplished, job done. I didn’t know what to do first! I did stand up and tip toe to the hall to lay my laptop down- praying that Isaiah’s glorious moment had not met the wiring. Isaiah giggled as I peeled my clothes off of my body shrieking “Oooooh sick, damn it! siiiiiiiiccckkkkkk! SICK Pee goes IN potty not ON MOMMY ON POTTY!!!!” Boy urine has some sort of freaky difference from girl urine, I think, because I was doing my best not to dry heave and die from the spell. I told this story, right after it happened, to my friend Lindsey while chatting with her on Facebook (HI! Lindsey!)… she laughed her ass off. Well, I wasn’t there- but if I had been, I am sure her ass would have fallen off.
Mr. Wet Jet Antibacterial abated my fears and restored my bathroom to pre- urine war condition. I used FOUR Swiffer Wet Jet pads, because I was just that convinced that I was only spreading the piss around on the floor.
Welcome to motherhood! When life gets boring just watch out, you never know when you’ll get pissed on!
♥ Jasmine
lol..too funny
Ew. EWWW. Ew. EW. ahem. EWWW. okay I think I am done. A. I don’t bring my laptop into the bathroom with me (seriously!). B. ew! C. I don’t know how you mom’s do it! You’re amazing.
Lol, yuck. I would be absolutely mortified in the event that ever happened. I’m assuming the shower afterward was the most glorious shower ever, seeing as how you had to clean off from that *other* shower.
Well if you don’t use the pot while using your laptop…. you haven’t lived
Yeah it was like a rebirth!
I was trying to get Vin to the potty on time once and pulled his pants down and plopped him on the potty and squatted in front of him only to have him pee in my face.
It wasn’t the only time either.
But actually, I’ll take that over when they get bigger and say things like, “Mom, are you gonna do some work or just play around on facebook?”
Oh, how awful! When I was potty training my oldest, I used to put him in the toilet and sit down in front of him to wait… patiently. And I always reminded him to point down because we wanted the potty in the toilet, not on Mommy. And we laughed. Not quite so funny now.
I’ve never taken the laptop on the toilet, I have to admit. I usually use a desktop but have a laptop for when the big one is inaccessible. But it lives in fear of being unplugged and immediately informs that it’s doing everything in its power to conserve energy. So I don’t traumatize it by actually taking it anywhere. So convenient, that laptop!
What really cracks me up is that he seems to have been so proud! Hey, he listened to his body (that’s a big one around here), went in the bathroom, and more or less peed in the potty. Not his fault there was a mommy and a computer in the way!
at least he made it to the bathroom this time, right?
Yet another reason why I’m pushing motherhood to the back burner, oh I don’t know, FOREVER!
I give the boy credit. He knew where he needed to go…shame on you mommy for being in his way!
Thanks for the comment! I had a fever after Peanut’s delivery so they wouldn’t bring her in and so it was like 5 hours after her delivery that they finally brought her into my room. In that time they gave her formula even though she didn’t need any. It took us a month to be able to BF successfully. I don’t necessarily blame the nursery nurses. I didn’t tell them I didn’t want her to get formula but that’s probably because I didn’t know I would need to do that. For baby #2 I will definitely let my wishes be known and make sure my family protects baby and me from the hospital staff.
Bwhahahahah… That is so funny! Hmmm… well, maybe it wasn’t funny to you but I laughed my ass off too.
It’s (my ass) lying on the floor as we speak. No wait, we are not speaking are we? Never mind….
Thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment!
Thank goodness you saved the laptop! I would so die if this happened to me and my laptop. For real!
Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
Oh NO! I don’t want people to walk around ass-less because of me
Yes, it was THAT funny.
-Lindsay