My trip to Dallas was lovely. Garrett and I attended the casting call, though we almost missed it because of the drive.
I didn’t get a callback.
I am not upset about it.
I would have liked to be on the show, but I am excited for all the deserving people who will be.
Everyone else is upset though. People keep saying really nice things like… “Did those casting directors meet YOU? YOU are awesome!”
I am flattered, really.
One thing I reflected on the next day, after not receiving the casting callback, was the question that Holland Weathers (the casting director) kept asking. She went around the table and asked people follow up questions: “What has your weight kept you from doing… how has it held you back.” “What would you like to do when you lose the weight.” It was as she was asking the question that I realized that I didn’t have an answer to that. I mean sure, being overweight my ideal weight has kept me from wearing a size 2…. but that has NEVER been a goal of mine. Regardless of my weight I have set goals and conquered them. I ride a bike, I ride roller coasters, I swim, I dance, I am married, I have kids, I wear a bikini in front of people, I wear heels, I jog/run, I’ve been on a horse (and hated it!). I furiously rolled through the list of things I couldn’t do because of the number on the scale and I couldn’t think of one thing.
I decided I wanted to become a certified Zumba instructor and I did.
I don’t have anything, really, that I can claim held me back because of me weight. Sure, I have suffered being called nasty names, judged, and I have been told, “You have such a pretty face.” Those things are about other people, though, not about me. As far as personal goals I can say that my weight has held me back from nothing.
I have reflected the last few days and come to understand that my journey with weight has been a purely an emotional struggle. Suffering from depression and anxiety and PTSD has compounded the weight gain. I was rolling all these thoughts around in my head when I realized this:
I was willing to leave my family, friends, and home obligations for 5 months to participate on The Biggest Loser- I can’t use being busy, children, time, or other obligations as an excuse if I was willing to sacrifice those things to participate on the show.
I was willing to submit myself to a process where other people set goals for me- I can set goals for myself and believe in myself more than any of those other people can.
I was able to leave town, pay for a hotel room, and pay for gas to travel to the casting- If I can sacrifice money for that, I can sacrifice money for a gym membership, new running shoes, comfortable workout clothes, or whatever else I might need to be successful.
The process of applying for The Biggest Loser helped me to see that I was placing “weight loss” and “that size” as a far of dream that I could keep chasing in order to be distracted from really making the choice to change habits. Like an addict who leaves room for relapse because they aren’t fully ready to stop… I kept myself in the place where I ignored the clear and simple reality:
I have the power to make the changes in my life that I desire.
So I got my gym membership.
Daily I make the choice to take care of myself.
I am embracing where my body is right.this.moment.
I have stop making excuses.
I have decided that health is my choice to gain or lose.
I don’t NEED The Biggest Loser.
I NEED to stop making excuses and accept responsibility for my own unhappiness and desires.
I have lost 4 lbs. just this week.
This is the power of changing the stories you tell yourself in action
THIS, in my opinion, is ultimately a better place for you than a reality television show. I’m proud of you.
Thanks Kelly!
I love this “I have the power to make the changes in my life that I desire.” Such a true statement and a good reminder. It’s always up to the individual and how badly they want it. You have the power! You’re attitude is truly inspiring.
Thanks Mandy. Sometimes it takes me awhile… but eventually land at a good place.
I love love love this. I’m so happy for you for NOT making it to the Biggest Loser
I will be following your journey and your example.
I also think it is so great that your weight has not stopped you from doing anything. I cannot say the same. But it is more about how the weight has made me feel about myself than the actual weight it self. Self estem and self confidence are always in need of building and protection.
It will certainly be a life long process of changing the emotional struggle… but I am up for the challenge!
Congratulations Jazz. I am proud of how you work yourself out.
Good for you for looking on the bright side, and finding SO MANY amazing truths!
Thanks Jo!
Thank you. I have been so obsessed with the whole casting process, and felt such a huge let down about not getting a callback. I know I can do it. This time next year I don’t want to qualify for the show anymore. Even if I still have weight to lose-I don’t want to be in the 85 pounds or more to lose bracket anymore. You expressed so neatly what I knew, but wasn’t willing to admit. I do have the time, money, and energy and for that mater determination to do this. So thank you! I soooo needed that!
Oh Katie, I totally understand. The Biggest Loser, the next great diet, the next “health tip”… they are things we use and chase to distract ourselves. THe reality is that we have the power to choose. Each day we choose or don’t choose to binge eat or exercise, live in the present of be distracted by the future and past. It is all in our hands. I hope you’ll really grab hold of that thought and make the changes in your life that you want to make! Keep checkin’ in with me… I’ll be right along side you on the journey. Next year… I’ll be 100 lbs lighter
Wow…that’s awesome I’m so proud of you its not always easy making life changes but your just the women to do it..great job on tha 4lbs sweetie…xoxoxo
Thanks Ma!
Honestly, I’m glad for you and relieved. You are on a such a positive path.
Haha! I knew you would be!!!
This is the first time I have read your blog and I love this post!
I lost 50lbs 3 years ago and I wish at the time I would have had the insight you do. I surely do feel better now, but it is still a constant struggle. Most of the time my weight is the first thing on my mind and it is absolutely exhausting.
Good luck to you and good job on doing it the right way. Nothing can replace being healthy. Skinny is not healthy. Healthy is healthy.
Welcome to my blog, Ashley! You are right! Healthy is healthy!
This is really wonderful news. I was thinking the exact same thing that you do so much of this yourself and you have amazing energy and are so active. You’ll be famous for things other than the amount of pounds you are able to lose.
Thanks Shannon! I am pretty active, that is true…. I just need to get the whole sugar/emotional eating thing under wraps.
You go girl! This is so awesome and inspirational. I need to get up off it and get back to the gym for different health reasons…you may just be my inspiration. Keep it up, girlie!
Thanks Chris! Doooo get your backside to the gym if your health depends on it…even if k doesn’t, it makes you feel good.
Congratulations courageous one, you are the winner!!!
Awash Martha! Thanks for your support!
Jasmine- Bravo!!! I am so impressed and in awe of your powerful decision to love yourself and take care of your body….It is not a hard decision to make but to stand by your decision, live by it, and beleive in it takes strength and determination that I know you have….I support you 100% and can’t wait to hear more about your progress….Congratulations on the weight you have already lost but more so congratulations on being good to yourself and knowing you are worth it!!! Get it Girl! =)
Thanks Lydia!
I love your attitude. The realization that you can be what you want and that you can accomplish all you set out to accomplish because of making it to the tryouts is a powerful thing. You now have proof, real actual proof that you can do whatever you set your mind to. All you have to do is set your mind.
Thanks J
Yiumare such an inspiration. I find myself thinking when I lose weight in gonna (fill in the blank) but what is stopping me from doing it now? Instead of moping, I’m going to get going and moving.
It’s a shame they’re missing out on all the wonderful bits of wisdom you have to offer, but I’m so glad you have this platform to share your wisdom anyway. =)
Thanks Mer
Thank you for posting this. Although my weight does keep me from doing many, many things… I too, do not “need” The Biggest Loser to fix my weight problem. One day at a time and lots of patience.
This was a really, really good post. Powerful words. Thank you!
Thanks Debra! I hope your journey is what you want it to be!
“She went around the table and asked people follow up questions: “What has your weight kept you from doing… how has it held you back.” “What would you like to do when you lose the weight.” It was as she was asking the question that I realized that I didn’t have an answer to that. I mean sure, being overweight my ideal weight has kept me from wearing a size 2…. but that has NEVER been a goal of mine. Regardless of my weight I have set goals and conquered them.”
I think they pull people that yes are overweight but also have that mental block that prevents them from doing normal things like going outside. You Jasmine are awesome in that your weight does not impair you. Like you said you’ve done EVERYTHING that you’ve set your mind to do. Unfortunately that does not sell ratings. Keep doing what you’re doing! You don’t need no stinking Biggest Loser.
Your fellow member from Shades of Social Media
BESOS!
Thanks D!