My Uterus Will Hate Me for This

May27

I love our family. Addison is fitting in really well (Garrett calls himself the ‘Baby Whisperer’) and Isaiah has adjusted to life as four. Many things have recently changed in our lives, all were good changes regardless of how difficult they have been (even the freakish unexpected ones). Garrett walks around cooing at Addison and smiling. When Isaiah was a newborn we never got to choose to hold him. We just HAD to. His Demon Colic caused him to scream scream scrrrreeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaam if he wasn’t in someone’s arms. So when we could finally put him down (around 3.5 months old) we let him have A LOT of individual play. Addison doesn’t cry much, once we figured out that oversupply breastfeeding thing and the tied tongue, she is happy as a clam. So we hold her, not because we have to, but because we want to. What a different world that is.

With all the changes in our world, we have been discussing the idea of contraception. When Addison first arrived I told Garrett to schedule a vasectomy before he even thought about touching me. He’d say he wanted another one, I’d say no. Then he’d wake up at three in the morning for a feeding. The next morning I would say I wanted another one, and he’d say no. We flipped and flopped and had a pregnancy scare and then decided maybe we needed to talk about what we really wanted, before nature chose for us.

So Garrett, in all his brilliance, came up with this plan (which I like a lot): No contraception. Just breastfeeding. The side effects of contraception on my reproductive history as well as my anxiety are unfavorable. We didn’t want the risks that I would have to take with all my medical history and Garrett wasn’t ready to accept a vasectomy at 24 years of age.

If we do not get pregnant by the time I stop breastfeeding (about two years) then we are going to fix break Garrett’s man-plumbing.  I don’t know if this plan is very in favor of a third, since I had to have fertility treatments to push the Addison Ova out, but I guess we will see.

I think it is the excessive sun I am getting … but I have never been this loosey goosey with life planning. I don’t like the unplanned, unscheduled, unorganized (when it comes to my body). In both instances with Isaiah and Addison I already had their names picked out BEFORE I knew what/who they were. I always knew I’d have two children, some way somehow. So if I get pregnant a third time- I may not even find out the gender. I may let Garrett name it Alexander Magnus Kopter Pilot the 3rd.  I am just feeling that adventurous about life!

So maybe we’ll have a baby or maybe we won’t. Guess we’ll leave it up to nature

THREE!

May26

* We love finding outfits from thrift stores and taking those awful Wal-Mart Photo Center Pics… here is one Garrett and Isaiah gifted me toward the end of our pregnancy*

I had this whole post fleshed out about how I felt about my baby (who is no longer my baby) turning THREE soon…. but then I deleted it. I deleted it because it was all disconnected and I couldn’t form a good sentence, which only demonstrates how shaken I am that he will actually be THREE! Where did the time go?

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addison roxanna brown

March31

when I actually get some time I will post more.for now enjoy these.

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Monday Morning

March8

Isaiah is half naked with a broom in his hand. The warm weather we had this weekend revived all the flies in Siloam Springs and they are currently living in my front room. Isaiah responded to this by taking off his pants and diaper and grabbing a broom to destroy them…. he gets that from his father.

My son is a wonderment. I see so much graciousness in him, more so than what Garrett and I have. When I see things that I know I couldn’t have possibly done, but they are so good and wonderful that someone has to take credit, I usually just blame it on God. I think Isaiah is who he is because of God. I haven’t completely worked out that line of reasoning, but I know he is so pure and good that I couldn’t take credit for that.

Yesterday Isaiah was baptized. It took less than five minuets but, I am certain, changed my life forever. For our family, Isaiah’s baptism was a recognition of his membership into the church and the acknowledgement that God redeems us to Himself even before we can acknowledge it through faith. Something about that baptism flipped a switch and reminded me that, “WHOA! This is a human life!” His soul has assigned value in Creation, he is a member in the Kingdom of God, he matters, and I am in charge of his care. THAT was a bit overwhelming. I can say, though, I am thankful that I was given this child, and this assignment, but it isn’t to be completed alone. I have Garrett. Garrett is BEYOND awesome as a father and friend. We also have our community. Our church. Our friends. All these people who are willing to link arms with us and help guide Isaiah, in love, toward a life that is his to live…

Stupid tears

This weekend reminded me, in SO many ways, to hold fast to those who are willing to not take the easy way out. Hold fast to those who will confront the hard stuff with you. Hold fast to those who will affirm that there is good in your despite your shortcomings. Hold fast to the piece of innocence in all of us….

It is that mix of dirt and deity. That innocence and love that shows on my son’s face (even when he half naked annihilating flies).

Happy Monday Y’all.

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Ernie

January29

We’ve been MIA for awhile, haven’t we? It seems that you get to certain stage in pregnancy where eating, sleeping, and nesting are the only real activities of your life. I have been decorating and redecorating and organizing and cleaning. Addison’s nursery still isn’t done, but we are very close.

As we’ve begun to prepare for this big change, we’ve attempted to transition Isaiah the best we know how. He is very fond of my belly and loves to say ‘good morning’ to it. He also loves to rub lotion on it and talk with Addison (who he has randomly started calling “Ernie”). We like the nickname Ernie… we are gonna call her that.  I digress. As we’ve attempted to explain that this room is where she will live, these diapers are what she will wear, etc, he has seemed to understand. He knows babies grow in bellies and that they come out one day. I have this underlying fear that although he seems to understand he will completely freak out when she arrives. THEN I will have that mommy guilt moment where I cry and wonder why I chose to destroy my little boy’s life…. weird, I know.

So I am reading and researching and attempting to figure out how to make this the easiest transition possible.

Cloth Diapers- Our Adventure at Terra Tots

January7
 

  

Jasmine: I hope this store doesn’t smell like Patchouli….  Sadie: Yeah! I hate Patchouli!   

 And so began our journey to Terra Tots. We packed the babies up and started the ipod. We decided that throwback high school songs should be the best musical choice. So a bit of Sarah McClachlan and Dashboard Confessional peppered our conversations as we drove to Fayetteville. We entered a beautifully decorated store with a warm greeting from Bernice.   

 Jasmine: “I just need to warn you that ANYTHING you say to me could end up on our blog.”   

 Bernice: *Laughing* “Its okay, I am used to that. We get on a lot of blogs from around here.”   

 I gave Bernice (the lovely owner) the run down:   

 - I care about the environment but I don’t like poop.   

  -I care more about not being poor, cloth diapers save money.      

-I passed on skin allergies to my kids. I think this is a good alternative to the diaper issues we’ve had.    

Armed with that knowledge, Bernice started in on a very long tour of the store. I got my diaper education while Sadie wrangled the babies. Bernice knows her shit (pun intended). She had ALL of the info on what to use, what not to use, and how to use it. I was thankful and surprised to hear her say that she didn’t recommend certain styles. I asked (about a million times), “but the poop…. will it leak out of this!?” Toward the end of our conversation Bernice commented, “You MUST have a strong gag reflex or something.” That was after she tried to feed me this line, “Just think of it as food that was in you that comes out of your baby….it is a natural process.” *Uhhhh! Yeah lady! Spend a day with my poo throwing feral child and then tell me about upchuck reflexes!* I knew I had already decided to take the dive whenever I walked in the store. So I registered (feel free to buy me things…. yes I just said that, even you stranger who reads my blog, you want to buy me diapers?..go for it!) for the essentials and vowed that I would give cloth diapering a shot.    

Prefolds

 

Diaper Cover

The Lavender one is a cover and the pink one is an actual diaper with a Snappy thingy that holds it closed (NO PINS!) 

Cute Diaper Covers

 

 

<—–These are bundles of prefold cloth diapers that you can use with or without a cover   

                                                                                                                               The best part of the whole set up is that there are several different kinds of diapering methods. There are simple cloth prefolds, prefolds with a cover, all in ones, and pocket diapers. You can mix and match to your heart’s desire. All of the covers snap or Velcro. Some ever have adjustable waistbands and leg holes. The picture doesn’t do justice to the amazing inventory this shop had. I am tempted to never let Addison wear pants, so she can show off her snazzy diaper covers all the time!   

 

  

 

   

Da Belly

 

I suppose this has become my staple look: Over sized sweater, saggy pants (because NO maternity pants seem to fit), flats, and a big ole belly!   

 I decided on waterproof diaper covers with traditional cloth diaper prefolds and hemp prefoldsfor at night( I am sure I am calling them the wrong names). I plan to sew some of my own inserts (because I think I am just that hardcore!). I like the method (after hearing about the million other ways) and I think it will work best for us. Bernice was incredibly kind and knowledgeable. I didn’t feel pressured to buy anything or try anything that I didn’t feel comfortable with. It was a big plus that she was enthusiastic about supporting local businesses and cloth diaper makers.   

  Garrett is really excited to go to their cloth diaper workshop on the 23rd of this month.  

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Let me start by pointing out that the cloth diapers? Are really stinking cute. I mean, a few times I was about ready to do cloth diapering just because they are so fancy. Pink! Purple! Aqua! A snazzy retro green with grey! Polka dotssssss! But I’m getting ahead of myself. First, I happened to come into the store carrying a tote bag from another local baby shop that just happened to have the name of the shop emblazoned on the outside. I imagine the two stores are competitors. Oops. Sorry for the fauz pas.  

Second, I was not aware that I was on the adventure in order that I could wrangle the babies. Had I known, I would have swallowed my anxiety pill with a shot of vodka before embarking. I tend to get a little freaked out when the kids are running around all willy-nilly in places where they can stick their hands in stuff. And break stuff. And wipe their noses on expensive blankets. And Norah has a thing for throwing around recently folded clothes, so when we walked in the store and I saw the stacks of cute little organic t-shirts, I honestly thought they would be my undoing. I made it through the past 20 months but those t-shirts are my last straw! Surprisingly, she left the t-shirts alone.  

In fact, for the first 1/2 hour Isaiah and Norah were perfect angels. They went directly to the back of the room where there were toys laid out with the sole purpose of being played with (which, thank you for that Bernice) but eventually they discovered, and wanted to play with, the walking stick toys. Now really, I do not get the purpose of walking stick toys, except to bang them on the floor and make me want to pull out all my hair and use it to plug up my ears. So after 10 minutes all I could hear was “Wheeee!!! Clank clank clank! Crash! Smash!” all under toned by the incessant pinging of the tiny wooden balls inside the wooden death toy.  

Toy O' Death

 

 
I tell you, I was about ready to just leave Jasmine there with the babies and the death toys and the stacks of organic t-shirts and the woolen breast pads and the cute cloth diapers. I was ready make a break for the door and go get myself a chocolate milkshake. Fortunately, just as I was sneaking toward the door, Norah and Isaiah gained a renewed interest in the tiny wooden vegetables and wooden people with their wooden potty. So I walked over to the footstool and slumped down.

  

I was sitting there, innocently looking at my wounded finger when suddenly, the adults in the room (Jasmine and Bernice) shifted their attention to me. “I’m just interested” Bernice began, “Interested in the reasoning behind not wanting to cloth diaper.” I got a little squirmy here, because no, I have nothing against cloth diapering. I will gladly support and encourage Jasmine and Garrett and will even try it out when my creature is born (using Addison’s outgrown diapers) and who knows, maybe it will be something I think I can do. But this humorous post is not the place to really get into my reasons not to take the plunge just yet. Suffice it to say, my history with anxiety and barely managing the basic tasks of household cleanliness after Norah was born were enough of a reason to stick with disposables for now. Ok, so I leave diapers laying around my house. Yes, I know that is gross and sick and lazy, but hey, at least I wrap them up first. And I am willing to bet that I am not the only person in the whole world who does that. But I do it with disposable diapers and I know I would do it with cloth diapers too and people, I draw the line at having rotting poop pads laying around in my living room. I have standards you know! So I explained this to Bernice,and she seemed a little grossed out by my diapers in the living room, but she conveniently had an answer to all my excuses, and to be honest, I began to think about really doing it. But still, I resist.  

At one point I said “So, you have to like, rinse them out when they get pooped in, right?” and Jasmine and Bernice answered in unison, “Well not when you are breastfeeding!” and I was all “Ok, but eventually your kid will eat solid food and then there will be that day when she eats and entire can of olives and you are going to find those partially digested olives in her diaper and then you are going to have to deal with that.” If you had been there, on the olive diaper day, you would get my point.  

 So Jasmine and Bernice, left me, exasperated with me and my plastic diapers and I returned to casually wandering around the store looking nonchalant when I was really planning to burn up those stupid death toys that had, again, made a noisy appearance. I happened to wander by the section of Gently Used Diapers and I picked up a bright green one. I was holding it, considering how cute it would look over Norah’s Luvs when I caught a whif of patchouli. Patchouli! On the green Gently Used Diaper! I threw it back in the bin and hurried away.  

 Eventually the death toys were put in time out, which was a good thing because I just knew that Norah and Isaiah were going to break them and then I would have to buy all 6 of those stupid toys and then they would be in my house FOREVER! And soon after, we left. I fell in love with an octopus t-shirt, some Simple shoes, and Norah banged her head on the concrete floor a few times, just to get a laugh. Other than that, we left unscathed.  

Later that afternoon I was reflecting on my experience and I sent this conclusion to Jasmine via text message: Dear Jasmine,
I love that you are going green but if you start wearing Patchouli deodorant I don’t think I will be able to continue this relationship.
  

     

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That is the story of our adventure! Isn’t motherhood amazing! It is like driving to a destination. You can take lots of ways, back roads or highs walk or plane or train, to get to where you are going. It really doesn’t matter how you get there, as long as you do so safely. So regardless if you cloth diaper, use conventional, breastfeed or don’t, spank or redirect… all that REALLY matters is that each Momma has made a decision that best fits her family and helps her be the mom she wants to be, while keeping her sanity!  

Cheers!  

♥ Jasmine and Sadie  

 

Holiday Wrap Up

January2

 

Where have I been?! Lordy! When you actually have a child that is cognizant enough to realize that holidays are actually happening… you have to figure out what traditions you’ll actually keep and what ones you’ll actually pass on… we are still working on that.This is a hard choice for me (since my DNA looks like a meeting at the United Nations).

Isaiah survived. He came out pretty well actually. The Guppy and PopPop (my in-laws) managed to find and purchase the one toy that would induce panic in the lives of my dogs. Noelle and Zoe now run from Isaiah as he screams at them from his Hot Wheels Jeep.

 

Hot Wheels

 

Because what an amped up toddler needs is a motorized something to run into mommy as she attempts to keep balance. Let me tell you, there is nothing better than being 29 weeks pregnant and getting rammed in the back of  the knee by a tiny hard-plastic Jeep. It is awesome beyond awesome. So awesome that I tend to call out the name of the Lord after each lovely encounter (I have been informed that God’s last name doesn’t start with a “D”).

 

 

Holidays make me miss my brother (who passed away in 2006) and very nostalgic. With Addsion’s arrival on the horizon I find my mind meandering back to days when Isaiah was tiny (and not  accosting me with Chinese made toys, THANKS A LOT CHINA!!!). For your viewing pleasure: My little bambino with his daddy, during his first snow (he was about 6 months old!):

 

 

Isaiah's First Snow 007

 

 Hope your Holidays were filled with peace, joy, great memories, and (most of all) LOVE!

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Bad Mommy Monday

December14

It isn’t me who has been encouraging Isaiah to pee in the sink…because at least, then, he isn’t peeing on the carpet!

Ooooh Lets play a game!

November19

Guess What I Am Doing

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here is a game we can play. You won’t win a prize, a giveaway, or shenanigans like that. You’ll only have the beautiful gift of feeling, for a brief moment, what it is like in my life.

Here are your clues:

 

1. I couldn’t find Isaiah

2. I found him in the towel closet

3. He piled up blankets

4. He pulled down his pants

5. He took off his diaper

6. When I asked him what he was doing he closed the door on my face and declared, “…..”

 

Tell me. What do YOU think he declared?

Give up? He screamed, “Close door mom! POTTY!!!”

Uh yes son, what was I thinking… I potty in the towel closet all the time! Someone want to come clean up my towel closet?

Involuntary Childhood Spasms

October26

I am back! And alive! Thanks for all the well wishes and emails.

 

Leave it to me to make my first blog post after a long sabbatical to be about  guns, masturbation, and nose bogeys. Alas, I am me…

Since Sadie admitted that Norah has pica (I kid) I decided that I should talk about Isaiah’s amazing new (and some old) habits. Vanessa, a good friend of mine, always talks about boys and the things that they instinctively pick up. When Isaiah, who is two years old, started picking up sticks (to destroy monkeys and enemies) and using them as pretend guns, I would gasp, “WHO taught him to be violent! WHO taught him about guns. We don’t let him watch war movies…why is he army crawling!!! ” I am anti-gun. I HATE them… as a result of a traumatic childhood experience. When Isaiah started this I attempted to redirect it. “Isaiah lets hug, not shoot.” My best attempts were thwarted. He just kept pretending to shoot things. Vanessa explained, (loosely translated)” Something about them switches on and they have to hunt and protect and all that jazz.” So now, my precious two year old son runs around the house pointing curling irons screaming, “BLAM BLAM DIE MONKEY!!!” Sometimes I play dead. Other times I snarl, “DO NOT point guns at people- even pretend curling iron guns…GAWWW!” It is like a boyhood involuntary spasm! Something DID just “click” and he decided I was a gatherer and he was a hunter.

Isaiah also went through a stage where he dominated all of his stuffed animals. When I say “dominated” I mean, “Isaiah humped his stuffed animals and the rugs like there was no tomorrow.” No one taught him. Through exploration he just decided, “OH! Mommy has company, I should show them what my body does when I hump this stuffed lamb!” “Ohhhh! Is that high pile carpet? *OFF GOES THE DIAPER*. Let me show you what to do with this…”  Thankfully we have a great set of friends who just laughed off Isaiah’s “habit.”

One other boyhood involuntary spasm that has amazed me has been the action his nose has been getting. How do kids learn to eat their boogers (is that how you spell it?)? I remember the first time Isaiah did the deed. I looked in the rear-view mirror and his knuckle had disappeared into his brain. He gingerly pulled his finger out only to plunge it into his mouth. He clapped and giggled as I tried not to veer off the road from the intense gagging I was doing. “Who taught you that Isaiah?” How did he learn to eat his nose crusty? SICK!! SICK! SIIIIIIICK! Again… something just clicked and he decided he knew how to do this. Since he knew how, he obviously should. Thankfully Dr. Oz  *YES! I learn how to parent from my favorite TV personalities ;) *  says that picking your nose is fine. The only problem is that it can damage the mucus membranes. I think he will survive. Sadly, me and my weak gag reflex might not.

I love these things about kids.  I love that just like a heart beats involuntarily, there are things that little boys and girls do without prompting. It makes me excited to imagine if we have a girl, (the doctor says ultrasound shows 70% girl) what she will do. 

♥ Jasmine

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Jasmine Brown and Sadie Perkins have been friends for several years. They are both graduates of John Brown University. They both were born in September, love chocolate, coffee, swearing, and loving on their babies. While they share many commanilites- they are from two different worlds. Sadie, a New Mexico native, grew up in a blended family, while Jasmine, an Oklahoman, grew up with a single parent. Jasmine and Sadie are passionate about being mothers, in different way.  Sadie is the mother of The Norah. Norah is a bright one year old who can clear the room with her vocal stylings.  Sadie swears she can only get pregnant with girls- lest she have to deal with a booger eating boy! Isaiah is Jasmine’s son. He is two years old. He is nicknamed “Toad” because he tends to be well…. toady. Jasmine thinks she is only cut out to mother boys… because, well, she is a Tom Boy herself.

Join these two women  and read about their crazy daily happenings!!!