The other day I got a call from a friend. She said, “Hey Jasmine, I have a confession for your Bad Mommy Monday. You ready? Here you go….”

I braced myself and she continued, ” You are a bad mommy when you tell your kids NOT to open the package that is coming in the mail today because it is a Christmas present….when it is really just your new sex toy!”

I almost dropped the phone and died with laughter. I can’t top that. Ever.

Can you?

Happy Monday Readers!

Last night I had a dream that I had sex with Taylor Lautner (that Jacob kid from Twilight). I kind of wish I was kidding, and so do you, because it isn’t a happy visual for anyone. I do need to comment, though, that if one was to have sex with a shape-shifting werewolf boy it could result in hairballs, just sayin’.

Sadie and I have been slacking, haven’t we!  We apologize [Well I apologize and if Sadie doesn't I am saying she apologizes anyway...don't worry, I'll pinch her!]

Here are some updates:

*Baby Addison is kicking. I never got used to Isaiah flipping and flapping around and I don’t think I will with this one either.

*I got an article published in a local magazine “Peekaboo”….as soon as I figure out where they put it, online, I will post a link.

*I’ve watched Twilight eight times in the last week and a half, which accounts for that bizarre dream. It also accounts why Garrett walks around the house when it is on spouting, “what the hell Jasmine, AGAIN!?”

*I started a new job, I am pretty stoked about it.

*Tis the season for Pumpkin Spice Lattes, which means a mouth orgasm for me… another gross visual [you're welcome].

*Living with a husband who has sleep apnea is amazing, By “amazing” I mean, ‘Sweet baby Jesus when you can’t sleep because you are pregnant and uncomfortable and then you have Darth Vader sleeping next to you, you kind of wish that a Jedi would come and silence him with light saber. [okay. I went too far with the Star Wars reference, I know]

Happy Labor Day.

(Isaiah talking to our dog, Noelle)

Isaiah: “Hey Nell! Mommy has baby penis.”

Jasmine: “No son, Mommy has a baby in her belly, in my uterus…girls don’t have penis. Well most girls.”

Isaiah: “Zayah penis!”

Jasmine: “Yes! YOU have a penis because you are a boy, women have a vulva and a vagina. The baby is growing in my uterus… can you say vulva?”

Isaiah: (weakly attempts  to pronounce vulva…sounding a lot like “Bulba”.

(Isaiah looks at Noelle and slaps her on the head) Isaiah: “BAD! Bulba!!!”

In the 60’s there was a huge movement involving dream interpretations. People clamored to buy dream journals and jot down there detailed dreams as soon as their eyes popped open from their nighttime adventures. Psychologists (I am using that term VERY loosely) touted the ability to diagnose the psyche of their clients based on the workings of their dreams. If you dreamed you were flying it would mean____________. If you dreamed you were a man it would mean_____________. The fad has continued into 2010, but more as an “alternative psychology” approach. It is interesting the effects that neurotransmitters have on dreams. Pregnancy hormones, in general, effect the body in such interesting ways it is hard to create a baseline for the masses. While one woman may have tender breasts, another woman may ravenously crave Goulash, and yet another will experience no symptoms but the occasional strange dream.

 Pregnancy dreams, possibly because of the flood of hormones, can also become highly sexually charged. I wonder what that means about the psyche or if that is only biochemical?For example, if you were pregnant and you dreamed that you were having sex with your boss, but your boss was actually your husband… what would that mean? And if this dream was SO friggin’ amazing, because the sex was out of this world, that you woke yourself up…what would that mean? AND if when you woke yourself  up you realized that in your dreaming state you had LITERALLY initiated sex with your sleeping…what would that mean? Hypothetically, of course.